Her

As some people may or may not know. Once I was in an affair with an older woman. I hate having to say “affair,” because it has such a stigma attached to it. People who don’t know what they’re talking about would probably think it was just a minor fling or something. Just assume because what would she see in me right? I’ll tell you one thing: I was never more at peace or filled with happiness when I was with her.

We didn’t even sleep together, even though we wanted to, and we planned to. I just couldn’t rush such a thing you know? If it was just purely sexual it would have happened pretty early on, but I guess there’s no other way to say it, I loved her. I didn’t want to rush it, actually i don’t think I even really wanted it, I was just happy being in her presence. Sure we made out a lot, we walked together, held hands a lot, held each other, talked and told each other EVERYTHING. She was like the best friend I never had, the piece I was lacking in my life for which seemed like an eternity. We could just walk along and not even say anything and we were both comfortable with that. I can’t even describe or put into words how much I appreciated her.

Sometimes I feel like I should put it behind me, and sometimes I try to. However lately, I’ve been thinking why should I? When people put memories behind them, they’re usually bad memories that serve no purpose. These were the best memories of my life, how could I discard them? I realize just how stupid I was. Thinking of her sometimes, makes me burst into tears, but at the same time I don’t regret ever having met her. She believed in me, and still does, she pushed me to better myself and that’s why I’m on this path today. She knows I love her, still even to this day almost two years since I’ve seen her.

I don’t tell people who she was, or her name, because to me… those are like sacred. If I told you, I feel like you would pass judgment on it, or me, or her. Yet you don’t have a semblance of right to do so. You have no idea. She was and is the driving force, the one who straightened me out, made me believe in myself again.

Some would think that she was just using me, but you would fail to realize is that our relationship started as friendship. Our relationship was founded in trust and respect, and those two just grew as we went along.

Just to clarify.