For awhile I have been lost and the only one I have to blame is myself. Being an adult is about making decisions and sticking by them, i.e. owning them and taking responsibility. It is only through our choices that our lives are shaped, but where do we look for guidance in making these decisions? I don’t mean any kind of decision, but decisions that irrevocably change our lives for the better or worse.
For many it is through tradition, custom, norms or other sets of beliefs such as religion that guide them. This doesn’t help people like me who has spent most of their lives questioning anything that even hints at arbitrariness. How to live one’s life cannot be found in any set of laws that are analogous to something we find in physics or math. We inhabit the desert of the real where things only change and have meaning through human agency; it is up to us to find a path.
For most of my life I have coasted –floated– along, never really committing or making hard decisions for myself. The only things that affected what I did with my time was curiosity, passion and pleasure. I don’t have a higher calling or reasoning behind where I am today… nothing wrong with that I guess, but I used to believe out of a heartfelt wish that there was something more meaningful, something more true to our lives.
Now that I have accepted all this and admitted it to myself there is another problem that arises. The problem is finding a passion that can become a life-long career, or at least a pursuit. Otherwise I will remain in the funk that I have found myself in lately, which I fear will devolve into a depression. I need to find something to expend my energy on that means something to me.
Currently I have plans on getting into municipal politics through “urban planning.” l am in the process of getting into a post-secondary program that bestows a certificate in land use planning which I hope will help me get a foot in the door in a local municipality. If it doesn’t work out I know I will find something else, but I would be profoundly disappointed.