Life As It Is

I am currently going through my last semester as an undergrad and will have my degree sometime this spring. I never planned on this, that is when I was younger I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up and in many ways I still do not know. My degree is in political science, a somewhat vague degree to most. Most people when they talk to me think I can predict who is going to win an election, either that or they ask me who they should vote for. Honestly I am not qualified to do either, even my professors have admitted that they aren’t qualified themselves as well.

So what will I be doing with my education one may ask? For me it was never about what I was going to do, I was already doing it. To be clear I was pursuing what I was simply because I enjoyed it, I was doing it for the intrinsic worth it held for me, not some hypothetical potential employer. The idea of selling myself to another was an idea I have never felt comfortable with.

Where I end up will probably be something I could never have predicted, but if I do have to give a narrative about where I am headed I tell people I will be shuffling papers in a cubicle in the field of civil service. In other words I will be a bureaucrat, probably the last thing I would have said when I was younger and more naive. I need to wake up and do what I must however, it’s not about what I want, but what fits.

I am not one of those people who desire to pursue a difficult path, I don’t have some ideal dream job or line of work I am aiming for and I know a so-called dream job is probably not what it’s cracked to be either way; work is work.

Social justice issues are what interest me, but I don’t see a lucrative pay off if I pursued such a thing. I think I want what most people want, which is an easy life; maximum pay-off for minimal effort. Perhaps a job with the government is just such a thing–as most people would joke, I am sure however it is anything but easy.

I used to want to distinguish myself, to matter and to do work that mattered. However as I age all I seem to want is security, in every sense of the word. I don’t want to stand out, be different or perhaps even make a difference. I want predictability, I want stability and not have to worry about my future, at least financially.

I may have it easier than most in this regard, I don’t have a vehicle, I live rent free and I don’t plan on having children. Those are the three biggest expenses in ones life, and I decided long ago I would skirt around those expenses.

I want to live simply, so I can simply live.