I have not written in awhile, I believe it is partially because I have been living each day without plans or so called “purpose.” The corollary to that is that I have not been reflecting much if at all, and thus not writing since the act of writing is an act grounded in the past. Meaning the content reflects something that has happened, instead of what is now.
I decided that I should –or perhaps need– to write again, but this time on something a little more personal; for why would one bother to write if it is something they don’t care deeply about? I wish to speak a little on my partner, my love, my rock. Her name is Diana.
First of all though, I will need to speak of my past in regard to relationships. More accurately the lack of said relationships. I have been alone most of my life, it is part and parcel of being an introverted person. This introversion may not be inborn, but may have resulted from my childhood experiences.
I grew up in a small community, the town of Innisfree of Alberta Canada where the cows very likely outnumber it’s inhabitants. There were not many children to socialize with outside of school, which is clear as I could count them on one hand. As a result I never really learned how to make friends or go out of my way to do so. Instead I learned how to entertain myself and be comfortable in my own skin. Contrary to what someone may think, I am thankful that I had such an upbringing. I am thankful because the experiences have made me a “thoughtful” person.
For now I will skip over any theories of the mechanisms of why exactly I have never been in a relationship before, instead I want to focus on the present. Diana serves as my rock, I can lean on her for safety and comfort. It is funny because I don’t see myself ever being with another person. I will admit though that sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be with someone else, except that is something that I feel will only remain as conjecture. I feel that Diana may be the closest thing to a soul-mate I could need or want. We have been together for a few years and we have never fought and perhaps only once has a voice ever been raised. We agree on so many matters that we routinely joke that we are in fact the same person. We can spend time together in silence just holding one another and be content. Our plans for the future coincide with each other’s. If this is not what love is, or not “enough” I don’t know what is or would be.
People sometimes imply by word or action that they are not comfortable with us because there is an age difference of 20 years. However in my personal experience all “girls” of or near my age are just that, girls. It is rare to find an actual women of intellectual and mature character that matches my own, and that is something I demand and require (and which she fills quiet nicely).
Here’s hoping for at least ten times the amount of time we spent with each other, for she may be what I have been waiting for my whole life.