personal

Pressing My Mettle

If I am to be honest with myself, I have been slipping as of late. There has been blooming anxiety bubbling up from within, because I know full well that I should be doing something more with my life. I guess I’ve been in a funk, and I’m realizing I need to break out of it, but how? I just don’t feel motivated enough, and I’m clearly not disciplined enough to pursue my goals … whatever those may be. I gander that the problem has been approached from all the wrong angles.

I used to think it was goals that I needed, so I came up with a list previously. Then I started to think it was my mood that needed to be just right before I started acting towards any of these. I believed that these would essentially take care of themselves, that I would do them when the time was right. However I was looking at all this backwards, for my mood may never be in the proper state for action to take place. Perhaps it is the action that leads to the mood, it is not necessarily an omni-directional deal.

Everyone knows this, I see this in hindsight, which is always a perfect 20-20; Nike says Just Do It after all. Overthinking leads to inaction, sometimes you just need to start doing something and the proper emotional flavor will follow. What I need to do to break out of my funk is to simply do something, I need to work my butt off! Take writing for instance, I neglect writing blog posts and I find by at least beginning the process of writing the train-of-thought will drive you to your next destination, it becomes a free-writing associative process. The next thing that needs to be considered is: what should I do?

I need to clarify my thinking, take stock of myself and re-prioritize what is most important to me. For example, I know my health is important, so what could I change in my diet and daily routine that would improve that for me? For finances, what should I be putting my dollars towards? I need to grow up and do what is necessary, necessary regarding my responsibilities and my physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health. This will require not just knowledge of myself and what I deem important, but due diligence. I can’t allow myself to fall back into the rut of routine and auto-pilot behavior; I need to rise up above myself, apparently by the bootstraps.

For too long I’ve let the flow of events and mood push me around and dictate my behavior, I need to regain control where I can and ultimately change where my life is headed. While my life is somewhat comfortable, at least objectively speaking, I’ve been starting to feel depressed and I’m not content with just being content. Deep down I want more, from myself and from life, a thirst has been growing inside of me that demands satiation. It could be just the thing I needed to break free from the mundane that is my life, to break free from the person I have become: someone too easily pleased and who demands too little. It will take several steps and probably the rest of my life and with results that may be slow in coming –but as I said before– I need to be diligent.